tabletoptrinketsbyjj:

1. A one-foot long curved yellow ruler dotted with brown spots, that strongly resembles a banana. Due to the crescent moon shape of the instrument, its almost entirely useless at measuring most objects. It does for some reason function extraordinarily well when used to provide a sense of scale. 
2. A rusted iron door knocker in the shape of a gargoyle. Its mouth is open and the knocker itself is held in it’s front claws. If the knocker is touched the gargoyle’s mouth grinds into movement and issues a verbal warning: “Disturb not this chamber, lest the world suffer!” The gargoyle can issue this warning once a minute.
3. A hollow glass sphere roughly the size of a fist containing a colorful fog. If it is broken, those nearby will catch the barest scent of alien perfumes, hinting at strange lands belonging to the ancient time when the sphere was first forged and air trapped within it.
4. A cursed fishing pole made of blackened ash. Despite the skill of the bearer or the attractiveness of the bait used, it will never catch a fish. However, if one attempts to use it unbaited in a populated body of water, they will succeed in catching a dead and rotting fish.
5. An age-worn ivory figurine which bears an uncanny resemblance to a young woman the PCs have met recently.
6. A single leaf from the great tree Yggdrasil. Despite being separated from the world tree it seems perfectly healthy. Legend has it that it will only begin to wilt as a sign that Ragnarok (The end of the world) is imminent.
7. A set of wooden wind chimes which plays a different tune depending upon the direction of the wind which disturbs it.
8. A charm of twisted black obsidian. Touching the charm grants the bearer fleeting, ghostly visions from a strange and alien world. The plane is utterly different in every particular aspect, but eerily similar to the bearer’s own world in its broad scope and form.
9. A collection of love letters from an infatuated client to a woman who worked in a brothel
10. A carved wooden duck call. When blown, it sounds like a male duck (A drake) in rut and could bring a hen duck on to the scene, or any other predatory creature or poacher that enjoys hunting ducks.
11. A thin wooden sign, two feet wide by one foot tall, that in bold red writing states “Beware of the Leopard”.
12. A polished steel badge bearing the insignia of the local city watch
13. A holy symbol of a church that preaches celibacy that was carved from the bone of a vestal virgin.
14. A mostly empty mail bag that has the seal of the King’s Head of Intelligence
15. A letter regarding a local merchant caravan needing reliable guards for the monthly shuttle runs.
16. A small rolled up tapestry, depicting a battle scene between two archmages
17. A letter of acceptance into a prestigious mage’s school or guild. The letter is not addressed to a specific person and theoretically anyone could show up bearing this letter…
18. A thin metal template with the complete alphabet (In common) and numbers 0 to 9 for stenciling.
19. A one-gallon cask of a Random Color of paint.
20. A small wooden box containing like-new set of six serrated steak knives.
21. A magnifying glass with steel handle that can be used to enlarge small print or to start a fire on sunny days.
22. An eight-inch-tall, wrist thick cinnamon-scented candle that’s never been lit.
23. A thin steel sign, three feet wide by two feet tall, that in bold red writing states “Beware of Dog”.
24. A carved wooden elk call. When blown, it sounds like a bull elk in rut and could bring cow elk on to the scene, or any other predatory creature or poacher that enjoys hunting elks.
25. A roll of insect netting large enough to completely cover a grown man lying prone.
26. An old military medal awarded to a soldier who had been injured in battle. The award is in the shape of a heart and is strung on a thick purple ribbon.
27. A surprisingly clean pair of steel needle-nose pliers
28. A dried and preserved human foot has been fixed to the butt end of an otherwise normal woodsman’s axe. If placed butt end on the on the ground, the foot provides enough stability for the axe to remain upright.
29. A heavy scroll case made of solid iron.
30. Eye of Tyr: A gift from the God of Justice, this pommel gem gleams with a holy fire. Legends say that if the stone were to be set into the hilt of a weapon of virtue by a true believer and wielded by a warrior of the faith, the result would be a blade capable of carving a righteous swath through all the evils that plague the Realms.
31. A clawed hand of a Baalor that pulses with evil power. Though harmless enough in its present state, there are rumors that the magic of a demon’s claw can be unleashed by combining the appendage with another powerful item of evil.
32. A brace of half a dozen humanoid scalps. All of the scalps bear the same strange tattoo which knowledgeable PC’s will recognize as originating from an evil cult. Perhaps the local city has some sort of bounty for them…
33. A key carved from bone that will fit most locks but will break off when turned, jamming the locking mechanism with shards of bone.
34. A silver coin stamped with a worn, unfamiliar design of a  hawk-winged helm
35. A glass jar filled with vinegar and a dismembered troll finger that twitches occasionally. It seems like the weak acid from the vinegar is keeping the finger in a sort of stasis. You imagine that if it was removed it might fully regenerate…  
36. A silver coin that makes no noise when dropped or hit against something
37. A clockwork owl that wound, spins its head and hoots softly for a minute
38. A blue, glowing crystal shard the size of a pinkie finger
39. A hand-sized wooden statuette of a black panther
40. A pamphlet listing fourteen magical fountains and their effects when touched. It does not list their locations, directions to them or what guards them.
41. A aged wooden pipe marked with Elminster’s sigil
42. A silk headband decorated with a single green cat’s eye gem in its center. The bearer sometimes feels as though they can access another sense (Like telepathy, mind reading or telekinesis) focused through the gem but the sensation always fades before the bearer can make use of it
43. A clear glass bottle filled with one liter of pure distilled alcohol. The bottle is securely sealed but is not wrapped in anything protective, which seems foolhardy at best and suicidal at worst…  
44. A sealed glass jar with a live butterfly inside of it. The blue insect flutters around occasionally and seems to be in good spirits. The jar cannot be unsealed but the butterfly never seems to suffer from lack of fresh air or food and never dies.
45. A wooden travel trunk. Inside the case is a layer of padding and a glass display case. Inside the sealed case is a collection of dead butterflies pinned to a painted cork board. Under each specimen is a piece of parchment detailing the common and scientific name of the insect. There are dozens of butterflies of varying sizes and colors.
46. A pair of comfortable fuzzy house slippers. Rather than conventional materials, the slippers are made from malleable unbreakable glass. You get the feeling there was a miscommunication about the specifics of this item when the glass slippers were created.
47. A wooden scroll tube containing the deed to a bear sanctuary in a nearby land.
48. A braided copper bracer that is uncomfortably warm to the touch.
49. A miniature functioning siege set that must have belonged to either a very rich young child or a dedicated adult hobbyist.
50. A sea captain’s hat with the name “Sexy Captain Alice” sewn into the inner lining.
51. An ancient relic in the shape of a stone hand, the origins and purpose of which has been forgotten through time.
52. A whistle that, when blown, makes no noise but makes the bearer feel certain that there’s a horse not too far away from him
53. A tiny lizard skull that has been fashioned into a shot glass.
54. A bright pink dagger scabbard that feels lighter than it actually is.
55. A map of the ancestral home of a race you’ve never heard of. It may be a fictional creation.
56. A jester’s hat made of two different Random Colors and fringed with small bells that jingle constantly
57. A circular metallic badge displaying a diamond shaped icon in black and gold. The back of the badge has a small inscription that read “To Mend and Defend”.
58. A harlequin mask decorated with carbuncles on the forehead, small eyes, a snub nose, hollow cheeks, and bushy brows with facial hair.
59. A harlequin mask that makes the bearer feel oddly sad whenever worn.
60. A coupon for a free hug from the the nearby king. It says the coupon can be used by whoever presents it in person.
61. A tiny hand carved from amber
62. A portrait of an incredibly muscular man wearing a short dress.
63. A necromancer’s reanimated pet frog. It cannot attack or perform any useful actions but will faithfully follow its owner, who is defined as whoever has last kissed it on the lips.
64. A single platinum piece that merchants, shopkeepers, bartenders and anyone who operates a business seems dreadfully frightful of and refuses to take it out of superstitious belief.
65. A pebble, delicately carved to resemble an infamous dwarven mine baron.
66. A small imp skull that has been fashioned into a shot glass.
67. A beautifully crafted doll that once belonged to a knight named “Beirand”, according to the name printed on the bottom of one foot.
68. An undelivered letter addressed to The Lord of the East. It simply states “kill you” repeatedly in small cramped handwriting for three pages, front and back.
69. An ordinary looking black scarf containing five chicken eggs firmly secured in secret pockets. Close inspection shows the eggs have been drained of the yolk with two small pinpricks and have been filled with fine powdered ash then resealed with dabs of wax. These eggs can be used as thrown weapons or launched from a sling. Upon impact these eggs explode, throwing up a small cloud of ash that quickly dissipates. This can distract creatures, provide partial cover or potentially blind. These homemade smoke grenades are meant for distraction and misdirection rather than as an offensive weapon and don’t deal any damage.
70. A clay jar covered in faded runes describing its contents. The jar is wrapped in linen, and inside rests the heart of an ancient hero who gave her life to save the woman she loved.
71. A wooden cup that, when placed against an ear, relays the sounds of a drunken tavern party.
72. A butter knife that can only be held by red-haired humanoids. All other creatures find it impossibly slippery and cannot hold it for more than a few seconds without dropping it.
73. A crystal pen that will only write with green ink.
74. A white metal goblet that grumbles angrily in Dwarvish when filled.
75. A pair of blue marble earrings that glow faintly in the presence of pork.
76. A small humanoid skull that cackles every morning at the break of dawn.
77. A silver coin with an engraved human that continuously waves to the bearer.
78. A cast iron pot with a love letter carved into the side. Unsurprisingly, most of the letter is food and cooking related.
79. A realistic looking, wooden theater dagger that resembles a sacrificial blade.
80. A purple apple that never rots or decays and tastes like saltwater when licked.
81. A one-foot long steel chain that doesn’t make any sound when rattled.
82. A sea dragon’s tooth that always feels wet and smells like the ocean.
83. A mahogany dinner plate with the phrase ‘POETRY IS DEAD’ carved into the bottom.
84. A sheet of white canvas 2’ X 3’ stretched on a wooden frame. The painting is entirely taken up with the scrawling phrase “SUFFERING IS NOT ART!” which was apparently written in the painter’s own blood as some sort of artistic statement.  
85. A clear glass bottle that can be used as a spyglass.
86. A single black feather that somehow weighs five pounds and would make an interesting paperweight
87. A pair of marble chess, king pieces in black and white, that argue with each other over chess strategies when placed side by side. Both are incredibly arrogant, refusing to ever concede to the other’s points and do not interact with any other creatures or objects.
88. A black bandanna that makes the bearer look ten pounds lighter.
89. A piece of parchment with an ink drawing of a centaur that always points north.
90. A green, metal orb that slowly orbits any obese humanoid it’s thrown at.
91. A brass face mask that when worn, insults the bearer’s outfit.
92. A closed lute case that incites extreme fear in anyone who tries to open it.
93. A backpack that makes eating, chewing and swallowing sounds when items are put inside.
94. A small iron sculpture of a phoenix that fills all those who see it with hesitation and unease.
95. A pair of copper rimmed spectacles, sporting cracked glass lenses that slightly enhance the bearer’s vision in dim light when worn.
96. A black triangular battle pennant that gives off a rich purple glow when raised in combat. It is said that the magical light can nullify pain but it does not seem to work for most creatures.
97. A folding compact shovel made from unusual blue metal.
98. A hunting horn that sounds like a trumpet when blown into.
99. An owl feather quill that forces the bearer to talk in the third person.
100. A letter addressed to the first PC to open and read it and appears to have been sent recently from a king that has long since died. The deceased monarch writes as though he and the PC were close friends. The king invites the PC’s and any companions to come visit him at the site of his grave in order to aid him in a troubling quest regarding matters too sensitive to place on parchment.

icanonlyjunkrat:

bratmcnugget:

danipup:

locket-ship:

jedihighcouncil:

hardtostayaway:

jedihighcouncil:

Straight men who always joke about hating their girlfriend are so fucking weird like imagine having a girlfriend and not treasuring and loving her every day smh grow up

“treasuring” and “loving” your girlfriend will result in her quickly leave you. Girls HATE guys who treat them like goddesses. They view it as pathetic and weak.

I hate it when people say shit like this like we get it you’re an

yall hurt him so bad he deleted his Manchild Manifesto

saltskinandasociopath:

fight4future:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: January 8, 2017
Contact: Evan Greer, press@fightforthefuture.org, 978-852-6457

Internet users are pledging to vote out lawmakers in 2018 if they do not support Congressional Review Act (CRA) resolution to restore FCC rules

Net neutrality advocates have hit an important milestone and are gaining ground in Congress. A Congressional Review Act (CRA) resolution to overturn the FCC’s repeal of net neutrality has hit the 30 sign-ons from Senators needed to force a vote on the Senate floor. The CRA allows Congress to overturn the FCC’s decision, which has generated widespread bipartisan backlash, with a simple majority vote in the Senate and House, which is increasingly within reach with several Republicans already publicly criticizing the FCC’s move.

Evan Greer, campaign director of Fight for the Future (pronouns: she/her), issued the following statement:

“Internet users are angry, educated, and organized. We refuse to back down. Net neutrality is too important to the future of our democracy. Today’s news shows that lawmakers from both parties cannot hide from their constituents on this issue. Every member of the U.S. Senate will have to go on the record, during a tight election year, and either vote to save the Internet or rubber stamp its death warrant.

We will not be fooled by trojan horse legislation branded as a compromise. Millions of people from across the political spectrum fought hard to win the Title II net neutrality protections that the FCC just callously slashed at the behest of telecom lobbyists. The Congressional Review Act gives Congress the power to reverse that corrupt and illegitimate decision and restore the basic protections that enable free expression, creativity, and innovation online.

Any lawmaker foolish enough to be on the wrong side of history by voting against the free and open Internet will regret it come election day.”

Last week, Fight for the Future announced a no holds barred campaign at VoteForNetNeutrality.com calling on Internet users to pledge to vote against lawmakers who don’t support the CRA resolution to overturn the FCC decision and restore net neutrality protections. Millions of people have taken action in recent months, bombarding Congress with a flood of phone calls, emails, faxes, tweets, protests, and constituent meetings.

###

To be clear, if it does get overturned, the president can still veto, and two-thirds of Congress (in both the House and Senate) will need to vote to overrule the veto. So a simple majority is not enough, and calls / emails should be placed to get as many congresspeople on board as possible.