the biggest lie, i think, the internet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny little twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
like a dragon…a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet…a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid form…would look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn’t even love them and go…yeah I’d like to fuck that
Counterpoint, my good man:
Dragonsfuck
Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I’m Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I’m not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
Counter-counterpoint: dragons are SUPER horny
Counter-counter-counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPERhorny they’ve got better prospects than spindly little bards!!!! They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!!! They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting volcano!
There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons; so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn’t washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon’s lair!
Seriously!!!
I don’t care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bite! When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can’t at least True Polymorph to make things interesting
Twink Bard: *rolls nat 20 on seduction*
Dragon: “You’re cute, but come back when you’re level 20 and we’ll talk”
THIS PERSON GETS IT
The takeway here is not that you can’t fuck a dragon. It’s that you can’t expect to roll dice and fuck a dragon.
The second girl at least read the book to confirm that it was shit, she even had Capote on deck as backup. Chick 1 is just lazy
Nope. Girl 2 saw that Girl 1′s absolutely accurate analysis was being shut down just because it wasn’t stated in an intellectual way (in spite of its validity). So Girl 2 reinforced Girl 1′s opinions in solidarity and made sure that it was absolutely clear that Girl 1 was factually correct. WITHOUT taking credit for her observations (”kim is right” instead of “Actually, kim”)
Girls supporting Girls.
Girls not letting other girls be treated poorly.
If you read thirty pages of a book and hate it, that’s a good analysis. Girl 1 literally said, “It sucked for these reasons, and I only got through 30 pages.” She was absolutely paying attention and trying to get it. But if all you get is a headache, fuck that book.
stans really couldn’t wait for their number one white woman to finally speak out about politics just so they could praise her as a #woke queen – despite the fact that she stayed silent for years and refused to use her platform for anything involving equality because she knew most of her coins came from republicans.
Remember when she sued a journalist who asked her why she didn’t disassociate with her white supremacist fans who were calling her an aran queen? …She sued a black woman instead of saying “nazis, I’m not with you”
tea! i remember the aclu had to even step in to protect that journalist from being sued for “defamation”. just goes to show how quickly people forget for the sake of stanning.
did swift fucking finally speak up? about damn time
Motherfucking Cowboy Meowchow 