gunnyryan:

just-shower-thoughts:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

Who the fuck wrote this

malfvoys:

malfvoys:

it’s officially spring which means porridge weather is over and hozier is finally done making his oatmeal and can now again release MUSIC 

for those of you who are ignorant of hozier’s hibernation habits

boy-supportive:

you are men. 100%. You are not women, you’re not confused, you’re not “sort of men”. 

Gay trans men, you are not straight girls

Straight trans men, you’re not ashamed lesbians

You’re men

You belong in male spaces

100%, without question, you are men

tokillapromqueen:

surprisebitch:

yeah-t1:

the-last-snow-elf:

sodomymcscurvylegs:

Me, at the sperm bank: Yes, can I get a venti please?

Since the average man ejaculates 3.7 mL of sperm, that’d be .125 ounces. A venti is 20 ounces. So you’d be drinking the sperm of 160 men

now that’s a spermtacular deal

slumbermancer:

slumbermancer:

myrianmaye:

slumbermancer:

SOME BARNACLE’S FACT

• There’s barnacles.
• They got shells.
• They got cement glands.
• They are full of cement.
• They are not full of cream.
• Some times the shell makes it hard for them to FUCK!

• “Barnacles probably have the largest penis to body size ratio of the animal kingdom.”

• I don’t like that.
• Some times they live on walls or big pillars.
• Some times they live on whales.
• Sometimes the whales don’t like it. But sometimes they don’t care.
• Do you like whales? I like whales. 
• Whales are not full of cream. Whales are full of magic.
• They got NO heart and NO gills but I THINK they got souls.
• I think they got bum also.
• It wasn’t clear.
• They got eye.
• The babies are like little larvae that swim about until they get old and find a nice spot. Then they go to this nice spot and they think “hmm, that’s a good spot. i,m going to make cement here.” 
• I think that’s right.
• It wasn’t clear. I didn’t look into it much though.
• They look silly when they’re enjoying a snack.
• There’s this kind called Goose Barnacles, or sometimes Gooseneck Barnacles, and they’re called that because they anchor on to things using these big meaty tubes that look like goose necks.
• They’re also called that because in the Old Days people used to think they would transform into geese, or that geese would pop out of their shells, & that’s how geese are made.
• I wish that was how geese are made. I think that sounds delightful.
• Geese are not full of cream. Geese are full of grease and rage.
• Snails eat them a lot.
• Fish eat them.
• Limpets eat them.
• Don’t know what a limpet is.
• Crabs eat them.
• Sea stars eat them.
• I used to think seals eat them but I guess not?
• Do you like seals? I like seals.
• Some seals are full of cream.
• You could eat some barnacles, if you want.
• But only some of them.
• If you want.
• You are probably not full of cream.
• I hope?
• But you COULD be full of barnacles.

reblogging to save a life

Whose life?

WHOSE LIFE!?

slumbermancer:

slumbermancer:

myrianmaye:

slumbermancer:

SOME BARNACLE’S FACT

• There’s barnacles.
• They got shells.
• They got cement glands.
• They are full of cement.
• They are not full of cream.
• Some times the shell makes it hard for them to FUCK!

• “Barnacles probably have the largest penis to body size ratio of the animal kingdom.”

• I don’t like that.
• Some times they live on walls or big pillars.
• Some times they live on whales.
• Sometimes the whales don’t like it. But sometimes they don’t care.
• Do you like whales? I like whales. 
• Whales are not full of cream. Whales are full of magic.
• They got NO heart and NO gills but I THINK they got souls.
• I think they got bum also.
• It wasn’t clear.
• They got eye.
• The babies are like little larvae that swim about until they get old and find a nice spot. Then they go to this nice spot and they think “hmm, that’s a good spot. i,m going to make cement here.” 
• I think that’s right.
• It wasn’t clear. I didn’t look into it much though.
• They look silly when they’re enjoying a snack.
• There’s this kind called Goose Barnacles, or sometimes Gooseneck Barnacles, and they’re called that because they anchor on to things using these big meaty tubes that look like goose necks.
• They’re also called that because in the Old Days people used to think they would transform into geese, or that geese would pop out of their shells, & that’s how geese are made.
• I wish that was how geese are made. I think that sounds delightful.
• Geese are not full of cream. Geese are full of grease and rage.
• Snails eat them a lot.
• Fish eat them.
• Limpets eat them.
• Don’t know what a limpet is.
• Crabs eat them.
• Sea stars eat them.
• I used to think seals eat them but I guess not?
• Do you like seals? I like seals.
• Some seals are full of cream.
• You could eat some barnacles, if you want.
• But only some of them.
• If you want.
• You are probably not full of cream.
• I hope?
• But you COULD be full of barnacles.

reblogging to save a life

Whose life?

WHOSE LIFE!?